Let me start by making a distinction — I don’t have my own sales system, especially when it comes to the complex sales I handle every day.
Like most of you, I’ve been through the classic sales training more times than I can count. You know the sequence: prospecting, breaking the ice, qualification, presentation, handling objections, closing, and follow-up. Sounds familiar?
There are brilliant systems based on that structure — Brian Tracy’s method, the Sandler system, 10x by Grant Cardone (I read his book every year to stay fired up. This is the best gift for your best friend who’s a salesperson - if she doesn’t already have it.).
These sales systems have helped thousands of professionals build discipline and structure. But here’s the thing: they were created over a century ago, in a world of industrial manufacturing and early marketing.
From day 1 on the road I discovered that everyone knows them, and they can get quite defensive once they sense you’re following a scripted method, you're out. They can smell fake from a mile away.
That’s why I was so excited when I discovered a more human, modern, and flexible approach. It’s not a manipulative script or a trick. It’s a philosophy — and one that’s easy to remember. I want you to burn it into your brain, because if you apply it consistently, it will change the way you sell forever.
Instead of looking like another pushy sales rep, you’ll come across as a calm expert, someone with authority and empathy - someone they want to do business with.
Why Traditional Sales Feels Dirty
When was the last time you received an unwanted sales call while you were enjoying some quality time with your loved ones?
The word “sales” makes people uncomfortable - maybe even you. And you know what? That discomfort is legitimate. Most of us have unpleasant memories of being on the receiving end of bad sales tactics: the pushy call center rep, the aggressive door-to-door pitch, the fake friendliness.
Sales has a bad reputation because for too long, it’s been practiced by people who were taught to manipulate, pressure, and close at any cost. If that’s what you associate with selling, no wonder you want to avoid it.
But here’s the paradox: you can’t grow your business — or your career — without selling. So how do you do it without feeling slimy?
What Selling Is NOT
First, we need to clean the slate. Forget what you think selling is.
Selling is not:
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Pitching
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Presenting
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Convincing
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Manipulating
The goal of a sales system is not to pressure someone into doing something. The goal is to help them make a decision. And the best way to do that? Help them think. You don’t tell — you ask.
The S.A.L.E.S. Framework
Here’s the new mindset I want to share. It’s not a closing technique. It’s not about beating objections. It’s about being human and using the tools that the best advisors, therapists, and negotiators use every day.
Sales means:
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S – Serve
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A – Ask
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L – Listen
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E – Empathize
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S – Summarize
That’s it. Five words. Let me break them down for you.
S – Serve: Start with the Right Mindset
This is the foundation. You’re not here to get something. You’re here to give.
You’re not a hunter chasing a commission. You’re a guide helping someone solve a problem. You’re there to act in the client’s best interest — even if that means you don’t get the deal.
Think of it like being a fiduciary. Someone trusted to manage another person’s money. You don’t serve yourself. You serve them. And that changes everything.
A – Ask: Don’t Solve. Explore.
This is where most salespeople fail. They jump in too fast, trying to prove their value. They give advice, pitch solutions, talk about features.
But your job is not to solve — not yet. Your job is to ask.
Clients rarely come in with a clear understanding of what they need. Your questions help them see what’s really going on.
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What’s on your mind?
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What would be a big win for you?
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What’s the real challenge here?
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What’s keeping you up at night?
Pro tip: Ask what questions. Not why (too accusatory) or how (too tactical). What keeps the conversation open.
L – Listen: Really Listen
Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Don’t mentally prepare your next pitch. Listen like it’s your superpower.
A few signals that you’re actually listening:
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Nod or say “mm-hmm.”
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Mirror their last few words.
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Take notes like a journalist.
This makes people feel heard. It makes you stand out. And it gives you a real competitive edge.
E – Empathize: Feel Their Pain
Now go one step deeper. Don’t just understand their problem — understand how it feels.
Label the emotion, like FBI negotiator Chris Voss teaches.
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“It sounds like you’re frustrated with the lack of visibility.”
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“It sounds like this issue is costing you money and peace of mind.”
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“It seems like trust has been broken before.”
You’re not solving yet. You’re still in the “I get it” phase. And it’s powerful.
S – Summarize: Show You Understand
This is where you reflect back everything you’ve heard. It shows you were listening — really listening — and it gives them a chance to correct you if you’ve missed anything.
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“If I understand you correctly, here’s what I’m hearing...”
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“Is that a fair summary?”
If they say yes, you’ve got alignment. If they say no, you get clarity. Either way, you win.
The Gentle Close
Now you’re ready to move forward. But you don’t pressure. You don’t corner. You make it safe.
Try a conditional hypothetical close.
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“If we could deliver this in 6 weeks, and it solved the conversion problem you mentioned, would that feel like a win?”
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“If we put together a proposal that hits these targets, would you be ready to move ahead next week?”
No pressure. Just progress.
The Takeaway
Remember: sales means Serve, Ask, Listen, Empathize, and Summarize.
It’s not about manipulation or pressure — it’s about genuinely caring and understanding. When you get this right, you’re not just selling, you’re actually helping. That’s what makes all the difference.
This approach doesn’t feel like a sales script to your prospects. It feels like a real conversation with someone who actually cares about their problems.
Try it on your next sales call. I promise you’ll notice the difference — in your results and how you feel about selling. Sales doesn’t have to be slimy. It can be honest, authentic, and really effective.
Ready to change the way you sell? Start with those five words: Serve, Ask, Listen, Empathize, Summarize. Your prospects — and your conscience — will thank you.
If you liked this, subscribe for more sales tips. And, please, drop a comment sharing your own sales tricks or if you’ve created your own style. That’s all I’m gonna charge you.
Let’s learn from each other!
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